Description
It's Volcano Time. The Heroes of Yearth need to escort their young companion into the depths of the temporarily dormant mountain, but enemies from above and below challenge their descent towards the fiery heart.
Synopsis
The Heroes make their way up the volcano, which despite being quiet enough to allow the ritual to take place, is still erupting. Charion doesn’t understand what lava is, but when Sunbelt and Polly explain that it’s rock so hot it’s melted, he freaks out and has to be carried with his eyes shut on Sunbelt’s back. Wonwe thinks it’s all a bit of a game, and sings a song explaining that to complete the ritual he must go inside the volcano to the bottom and burn himself on the arm with the special lava there.
They make it to the summit, where they meet Gunk and his group of bullies. They’re surprised Wonwe made it and try not to be impressed by the revelation that he’s had a “girlfriend”. But they tell him he’ll never be a man, because none of the other young bullywugs have come back from the trial after entering the volcano. Gunk isn’t sure what’s different this year, but the boys who went in and stuck their hands in the lava disappeared. Looking inside the heroes see an island in the middle of the lava, and on it the Blades of Grass.
Polly claims the blades as hers, and tries to fly down to get them, but is hit by flying magma (a suggestion Nick regrets) and nearly killed. Sunbelt rushes down the path inside the volcano, Charion steering him by the horns to avoid the boulders. The heroes arrive at Polly’s unconscious body, and Charion - who doesn’t know how he summons them - creates some goodberries and feeds them to Polly. Sunbelt becomes irrationally convinced that the berries are rabbit turds, and that Charion has a second rabbit arsehole; Polly awakes to see Charion baring his behind at Sunbelt to prove it's normal.
A very handsome horse made of magma, covered in flames, comes out of the lava, welcoming them to his volcano. He’s not impressed with the heroes, including Wonwe, and “roasts” them each, revealing that Celestia told him they were coming and were useless. He has been tasked with protecting the Blades of Grass, and has killed the other bullywug boys. Polly tries to flirt with the fire horse, but it doesn’t come off and she gets flustered; he offers to sleep with her anyway. For reasons he doesn’t immediately understand, this sends Sunbelt into a rage, and a fight begins.
Sunbelt slices the magma horse’s dick off with a critical hit, but it grows a bigger one. Dinner groans and mutters about his condom, and Wonwe tries to complete his ritual. Charion is terrified of the magma horse, but approaches it and asks to look in its mouth in order to face his fears. The horse is confused, but does as asked; Charion shoves the drinking bird he got in the village into the horse's mouth and slams his mouth shut on it, spilling its liquid into him and beginning to dampen his flames. Seeing this, Polly flies above and makes a “goon bag attack”, emptying her waterskin on the horse. The horse lashes out at Sunbelt, who being out of water pulls out his waterskin and empties his very full bladder from the drinking competition into it. The horse reveals that the drinking bird of gumsha is the one artefact that can kill him, and falls back into the lava, leaving Sunbelt to uselessly empty his waterskin into the lava lake.
The Blades of Grass spin in a wind as though on a spring day, causing Polly to reminisce about flying a plastic bag kite with her dad as a girl. Once she grabs them, Wonwe shows the Heroes the brand he’s made - not the traditional symbol of manhood, but a representation of the four Heroes of Yearth. After he thanks them - especially Dinner - the volcano starts to go back to its usual active state, so the party runs back up the path.
Once they’re back at the summit, Sunbelt pauses and reflects on his reaction to the horse flirting with Polly. He realises he’s not really into his polygamous marriage, and throws his wedding ring into the volcano. It then erupts and explodes, flinging the rock the heroes are standing on through the air, sending them on to their next adventure. From inside the volcano, the voice of the horse booms: “I am married to your wife now!”
Cast
Heroes of Yearth
NPCs
- Wonwe, a small bullywug and son of the village shaman
- Gunk, a bullywug bully revealed to be the tribe’s real estate guy
Bestiary
- A beautiful flaming horse made of magma
Places
- The swamp, presumably in the lands of Summer
- Mount Gloobshaka, a volcano
Themes, tropes and running jokes
- A Monstrous Frankenstein of a Duck: the magma horse roasts Polly by telling her “beaks are weird”; she tries to flirt by saying “you don’t need lips to do lots of things”.
- Cum Jokes - when Hing describes Sunbelt getting out his waterskin to fill it up, Edan initially assumes he’s going to wank into it, leading to an argument about pissing on fires.
Trivia
- Demi Lardner double-booked herself for this show, so Dinner Munchabout appears only as snippets of audio played from a sound bank she set up on a laptop in her usual position on stage. One of these is not her at all, but instead Griffin McElroy's introduction to the first episode of The Adventure Zone.