The Combantrin Roulette

Description

The heroes of Yearth find themselves face to face with an impassable barrier. The way back is closed off and the way forward is frought with danger, will our heroes find their ruins, or will their own animosity find them first?

Synopsis

The Heroes have rested in Professor Sneevely’s camp, by a sphincter deep inside the giant worm. He reminds them he was looking for the Gritrock Ruins when he and his expedition were swallowed. His porters went through the sphincter when it opened, but have not returned; it should open again soon. The Heroes spot an axe-shaped hole high up in the sphincter, suggesting the Axe of Sands is now on the other side.

When the sphincter opens, three strange creatures, a mix of orc and worm, appear. The Heroes attack them, killing one before the Professor realises these are his porters, somehow transformed. Dinner has some chocolate Combantrin in his all day carry pack, and when he loads it into his gun and shoots one of the worm creatures, it transform back into its half-orc self. After a touching reunion between the Professor and his friend, who calls Dinner his brother, they mention that they never really liked the remaining wormified porter, Dennis, who was obsessed with the Wizard Ayn Rand and her book The Fountaunhead. Dinner shoots him dead with a regular bullet.

The surviving porter, Jackson, tells Sneevely they have to find a way to get out through the worm’s mouth: the back half of the worm contains the Gritrock Ruins, but he refuses to go back. They’re covered in silk that somehow transformed him and the others. But the Professor refuses to give up finding the thing he’s searched for his whole life. Charion wonders if Dinner’s magic gun could make them immune to being turned into wormification, though Sunbelt is quick to point out he has to make sure he’s using the right bullets.

In the Heroes’ first “Yearth Yak”, Polly worries that the Professor is looking for the same Axe they are. After musing about maybe killing them, and despite some confusion, they decide to use the Professor’s expertise to help find the Ruins and the Axe, though they might tie him and his assistant up and dump them in the acid afterwards.

Sunbelt and Polly play “Combantrin roulette” with Dinner’s gun and get Combantrin; Charion tries to take out and eat the Combantrin but eats the real bullet by mistake before finding the Combantrin. Dinner also shoots himself with Combantrin, and so does the Professor.

They all head through the sphincter, and the worm’s body gets narrower and narrower until they find a wall of strong, sticky silk that Sunbelt can’t cut through. There is a portal in the silk, and they go through to find the worn walls of the Gritrock Ruins - and another telltale axe-shaped hole. The ruins block the way into the worm’s colon. Sunbelt charges forward, but hears the voices of his companions saying horrible things to him, mostly about his ability as a father. Sunbelt turns back to them, telling them he has doubts but he’s going to be a great Dad, confusing the others.

Dinner can tell he was under some kind of magical influence, but is overcome by it himself, as is Polly, who flies into a rage and pecks Jackson’s eye out. Dinner loads the eyeball into the gun and plays eyeball roulette, but they fire the only bullet through Jackson’s head, killing him. Professor Sneeveley rails against these “fools and their medicine gun”, and is then influenced by the magical force. He kisses Jackson and cries, and he and Jackson’s body melt into each other and they transform into a “big ol’ worm Voltron”.

A voice booms through the ruins: “You fools, you absolute fools. You’ve come this far only to be defeated? Stupid idiots, wanting the axe, wanting the ruins? Never; no no no no! Celestia chose poorly when she chose the horse to defend the leafy blades, but the Axe of Sands will not be taken, not now, not ever!” Polly argues with the voice, which identifies itself as Scarabous the Omnipotent: a tiny little worm which nevertheless lifts the transforming Professor and Jackson up via hundreds of strands of silk as they continue to transform.

Cast

Heroes of Yearth

NPCs

Professor Sneevely Chatterbox, a gnome archaeologist
The Professor’s porters: Jackson, Dennis (the asshole) and dearly missed Spaniel
Scarabous the Omnipotent

Bestiary

A huge freakin’ worm
Worm-zombies

Places

The Lands of Summer
- The inside of a giant worm
  - Gritrock Ruins (inside the giant worm)

Themes, tropes and running jokes

I make an Arcana check - Demi calls for one to figure out what happened to Gongbonger.
Everyday Carry - Demi decides that Dinner has the modern Earth de-wormer medication Combantrin - in its chocolate squares form - in his everyday carry pack. When fired into the worm zombies with his gun (or just eaten), it instantly cures them. It doesn’t seem to protect very well against re-infection, though.

Trivia

To be added

Quotes

To be added