Description
The heroes of Yearth are rapidly running out of leaders to follow, as they find themselves at the domicile of a great wizard and his mephit life partner. Surely, this screenwriting coach will be able to keep the plot on track.
Synopsis
In Nilmeyer’s cabin, the wizard berates the heroes and their masters for bringing the actual ancient weapons used to imprison Celestia to the place of her imprisonment beneath Frostopolis, since they were the only thing that could open it - and they’re now lost. Amidst much discussion of Nilmeyer’s relationship or lack thereof with his ice mephit Gavin, and trying to lie to Gavin about his beef stroganoff, Nilmeyer reveals that the Champions aren’t dead - the three lost in the Arena have been sent into Celestia’s prison. But the only way to rescue them and put Celestia back is to recover the ancient weapons.
Nilmeyer enters his magic/sex chamber and casts a divination spell to find the locations of the weapons. He goes into a trance, and intones:
| “ | The Heart of the Ironwoods is here, where forest people drink their beer. The Axe of Sands, where you goin’? Within the tomb of Gritrock Ruins. The Blades of Grass, well, don't you know? They're in a big volcano. The Sleet Staff, the final piece, has found a home in- |
” |
But before he can reveal the final clue he is possessed by Celestia, who apologises for being rude the other day. She tells the heroes that she will probably unmake the world in a few weeks. Polly tries to bluff that the heroes hate themselves and want to help, but to no avail. Dinner asks why she’s unmaking the world, and she repeats that she finds the whole world imperfect; of the four of them, she would only keep Charion around. Sunbelt tries to trick her into revealing her weakness, but she only says she’s a perfectionist, which is why she needs to unmake the world and start again. She warns them not to follow Nilmeyer’s quest, and breaks Nilmeyer’s wrists; Sunbelt tries to goad Celestia on to hurt him more, and Gavin throws beef stroganoff on Nilmeyer to wake him up. Nilmeyer manages to regain control of his body long enough to cast a spell, opening a crack in reality that sucks them through to the location of the first weapon.
The heroes pass through and find themselves somewhere dark and wet. Sunbelt lights a torch, and they realise they’re in a jungle, surrounded by young bullwugs making out with each other...
Cast
Heroes of Yearth
NPCs
- Nilmeyer Mindfreck, the powerful wizard
- Gavin, Nilmeyer's ice mephit
- Celestia, goddess creator of Yearth
Bestiary
- Bullywugs
Places
The Winter Lands
- Nilmeyer's cabin
Themes, tropes and running jokes
- Is That a Minotaur Thing? - after spending half an episode discussing and eating beef stroganoff, the players ask Hing how Sunbelt feels about eating beef. He decides that Sunbelt doesn’t even know what beef is, and that it tastes the same as the inside of his mouth, so he asks if he’s been served some kind of “flavourless curd”. Hing also considers it would be a sin for Sunbelt to (knowingly?) eat beef, because “the top half, that’s cow”; he could eat a bloke, but “the bottom half of me would feel bad”. They also speculate whether minotaurs even have the teeth to chew beef. (In many versions of the Greek myth, Asterius the original Minotaur ate men, so presumably did not have standard bull’s teeth.)