Description
Having secured their transport, The Heroes of Yearth finally make it to their destination, one that is very familiar to one of their party. But when an ancient rite threatens the safety of their party, our heroes are thrust into bloody combat to protect the honour of their minotaur friend.
Synopsis
On the Fell Breeze, the Heroes are reminded of the Nilmeyer’s poem, and Sunbelt realises they’re about to arrive at the location of the Axe of Sands: the Gritrock Ruins, a famous geographical feature in the Lands of Summer. Sunbelt having barbequed and ate Peter von Teese and somehow used his skin to patch the ship’s sails, the ship now belongs to Cod, who as a last favour drops them off at Port of Hotenschwet, the capital of the Lands of Summer.
Sunbelt is close to home, and realises he needs to see his wife, Specca, as the others encourage him to go tell her he wants a divorce. Charion volunteers to roleplay as Specca as Sunbelt practices telling her, while Dinner badly pretends to be another husband, Brian. Sunbelt struggles, but Charion bigs him up and he feels ready by the time they arrive at the door of Sunbelt’s home cave.
Sunbelt lets himself in with his key, calling out to his wife and the other husbands. But the cave is empty - even the cot next to the bed. There’s no sign of his family or new child, but the signs are they’ve not been gone long. And the weapon rack is empty.
Outside Sunbelt encounters his old neighbour, Daphne, who is on their way to “the Fatherning”, a Minotaur tradition in which the fatherhood of a new child is decided by a battle to the death between existing fathers. It’s happening at the nearby amphitheatre, attached to the quarry where Sunbelt worked for his mentor. As they arrive, Sunbelt tries to persuade his friends to help, thinking that the honorable Minotaurs will never suspect him of cheating. They demand a “share” of the child in return, more or less defeating the point, but eventually agree when they realise if Sunbelt doesn’t win, the other husbands will hunt him down and kill him to be the only father. The plan is for them to sit at the front and stab the other fathers if they come close.
In the arena, a struggling Minotaur comedian warms up the crowd, and they start chanting for blood. Specca agrees and spots Sunbelt, acknowledging that he’s not dead, and then holds up the baby, which looks like Sunbelt. Gary, Bill and the other husbands greet Sunbelt, and the Heroes pretend not to know him. They trade mostly good-natured insults, and Bill dies of sadness when he finds out his own dad has died. Charion and the other Heroes create a bloody Minotaur disguise out of Bill’s head, which all three Heroes wear while hiding inside Dinnner’s coat.
As the Fatherning begins, the Minotaurs fight each other, and Tom attacks Sunbelt. Hidden inside “Bill”, Dinner puts Tom to sleep with a spell, and Charion attacks Stefan and Gary, injuring them both and attracting their attention. Polly taunts Stefan and Gary, then attacks them with the Blades of Grass, which decapitate Stefan before returning to Polly’s hands. Brian attacks “Bill”, injuring Polly, and Sunbelt kills the sleeping Tom before uncharacteristically taking his belongings.
Stefan charges Sunbelt, and Dinner tries to use the Knock spell to “unlock” Brian, who shits himself and also has a personal revelation. Charion and Polly mostly finish him off, but there’s a rumbling sound. Rocks fall from the ceiling. Suddenly a pit opens up beneath Brian, swallowing him - and threatening to swallow them all...
Cast
Heroes of Yearth
NPCs
- Peter von Teese, a “weak” member of the pirate crew defeated and then eaten by Sunbelt
- Cod, the kua-toa fish person Polly freed from the bullywugs
- Daphne, one of Sunbelt's minotaur neighbours
- Specca, Sunbelt’s wife
- Sunbelt’s unnamed baby
- “Minotaur Tom Walker” (not his real name), a stand-up comedian
- Gary, the head bull of Specca’s husbands, very muscular
- Bill, another husband; slender and taller than Gary, but still muscular; dies of a heart attack and is turned into a pantomime bull disguise
- Brian, a husband who shouts about the cost of building
- Tom, a douchey husband fond of the “sack whack” and calling people bro
- Will Smith, a weedy undergrad student and husband with a talent for cunnilingus
- Stefan, Sunbelt’s nemesis amongst the husbands, who always kept eye contact with him during sex
Bestiary
- A whole lot of minotaurs
- What will turn out to be a huge freakin’ worm
Places
- The Fell Breeze, a pirate ship
- The Lands of Summer
- The Port of Hotenschwet, its capital
- Sunbelt’s home cave
- The Amphitheatre
Themes, tropes and running jokes
- Is That a Minotaur Thing? - the “Fatherning”, a battle to the death between a minotaur’s multiple fathers to decide who will be their “true” father. We also discover that Sunbelt can, indeed, “eat a bloke”, as discussed in “Hot Beef Mouth” (DF2 1.03).
- Right in the Gooch - Charion stabs Brian the Minotaur in the gooch after he is “unlocked” by Dinner’s knock spell.
Trivia
- Tom Cardy was the celebrant at a wedding during this live show, and so couldn’t be present. Tom Walker plays some of the NPCs instead.
- This episode reveals that Specca’s sixth other husband, whom previously was not given a name (and may have been murdered), is named Brian.
Quotes
To be added